unicorn

the new nephew was in the hospital a bit recently. just like the famous folks, he has to have a cover story so the public won't be wise to what's really going on. the cover story is the little guy had a virus, sent his insides to the outside as many ways as he could, and ended up a little on the dehydrated side. this required a hookup to an i.v. for rehydration and an overnight stay so the i.v. could drip long enough.

whatever. first of all, whoever heard of sticking an i.v. in the head of a baby? right. that's just ridiculous. you've probably guessed by now that most supernatural folks (like superman) are from other planets. well, this one isn't really from another planet, but he's being tended by higher beings from a few galaxies away. they could tell from way over there that he had a gift so they hopped on over here to check it out. they knew the way already. as i've said before, the older nephew is unusual as well. they're tending him, too.

i'd like to try to explain this i.v. thing because it's very upsetting to anyone who loves babies and doesn't love seeing babies punctured in the head with needles (which is most of us). anyone who has visited the "regular" blog on the small child has seen photos of him with his older cousin. look at their hair. look at their heads. it's like they've got crop circles up there, directions right to the fronts of their foreheads. great whorls of hair spin around the temples and funnel all the hair at the front to a point. the baby doesn't have his hair so thick yet, but you can see it. the point. you can see it from a mile away.

i told you the older one is smart. really smart. mostly that comes from his mom and dad, from his grandparents. he comes from smart folks. that's what these aliens look for. they find smart kids and sort of make them turbo. it's easier than you'd think. everyone knows we only use some ridiculously small amount of our brains. ten percent. maybe eleven. when these aliens find a kid who knows how to use his or her brain, they soup it up a little, kick things up to 20 or 25%. years ago they were revving brains up to 40 or 50% efficiency, but they found that humans weren't ready for that much knowledge. there were meltdowns. miles davis managed it pretty well, but most of the others had a hard time. so they generally go with 20%.

it's easy. because parents are contacted when the aliens recognize a supernatural child, they simply wait until a time when the child has a bit of a bug, or maybe when the child is teething, and they check into the hospital. this is where the i.v. comes in. the aliens have developed a fluid that can switch on parts of the brain we never use, giving a person plenty of extra space for remembering things, learning things and enjoying the world. it has to be administered slowly so the child doesn't get confused about all that extra storage. they place a needle very close to a vein on the head, but really they're sending it just past, so it can take that fluid right on into the brain. they use that crop circle of hair as a guide to put the needle in just the right spot.

i know what you're thinking. if these aliens can do all this, why don't they just give everyone this fluid and flip the switch on every brain? don't be silly. first of all, you have to work with babies. adults have already done so much damage to their brains it would be a waste of time to try to expand them. you have a brain that's geared toward tv, grocery shopping and taking out the garbage. who wants more of that? babies have the capacity for all sorts of stuff we weed out as we get older. so that's where a smart alien uses the fluid. why not all babies? i don't know. they seem willing to use it on any baby with a gift of some sort. maybe they have a limited amount of fluid. maybe they know something about the gifts we don't know. they're aliens. they're not the most predictable folks out there.

the important thing is the new nephew is settling in with his expanded brain capacity and this will be challenging for his parents. he will be hungry for knowledge. he will be voracious. they will be exhausted. he is fortunate because they are willing to take on the responsibility. i suspect the aliens checked this out beforehand.