map of mom, bionic highlights

the parents are up to more shenanigans. as a result, i bring you the map of mom. this is a map of the ways my mom and a bmx racer, snowboarder or other extreme sports participant are similar. well, besides their obvious collective total radness and disregard for convention.

this particular map only highlights structural damage to my mom. this is similar to what building code inspectors would look at. each star represents a fracture, shattering or attack by aliens requiring some sort of repair and replacement of something. if you ask my mom about the structural damage, she will tell you she has had a string of bad luck, that each bit of damage was caused by some freak accident that could have happened to anyone but should happen to no one. if you ask a competent medical doctor, you might hear that a thirty year span with no dairy products, combined with a surprisingly willful refusal to take (or forgetfulness, about according to some more generous than the author) calcium supplements added to recent senior citizen status could COULD sort of shape up to create a little bermuda triangle of osteoporosis. you know, with the brittle bones that are always breaking if you don't put some calcium in them. the sort of thing that could possibly be managed with some of those sassy chocolaty calcium supplements you see everywhere or even that once monthly stuff the flying nun is always selling on tv. possibly. that's what i hear. i am not a doctor, so i don't really know. my mom, however, who evidently became a doctor recently on the sly, says i'm a smartass. she knows.

the nice thing about science and modern medicine is that the two communities together have worked to create some spectacular bionic elements for human beings. mom has most of them. some would call her a collector of sorts. i am grateful to all these science and medical folk for their hard work. it would be difficult to spend time with a boneless mom, just lying in a puddle on the floor or being carried everywhere in a plastic sack. and i've been impressed with their structural repair work. it's much higher quality than what the landlord did in our bathroom here in brooklyn when water started falling from the ceiling or what he did when the porch fell in.