the absolutely true story of my new nephew without any embellishment whatsoever

my baby sister had her kid. you can read the version of things she and her husband concocted here: becomingabunch.blogspot.com. or you can find out the sordid truth right where you are. read on. first, in a shameless bid for attention predictable in the youngest of a set of siblings, my sister conspired with her unborn child to create a frightening, dramatic arrival. this arrival involved sharp instruments, a briefly external uterus and a short stint in n.i.c.u. both are resting happily at home with a very giddy dad now, so don't fret. however, any information you read on their blog is a smokescreen to hide the true facts. the child is, well.... supernatural. there. i've said it.

it shouldn't come as a surprise. his older cousin is supernatural as well. when that child arrived he was unable to ingest human milk, formula or cow milk. he began to get very sick and was slightly terrifying. his parents finally consulted an oracle living in the crashed space ship in their backyard and began feeding the child a combination of crushed meteorites, stalactites and copper wrapped in cheese. he now gets stars and happy faces on all his papers at school.

back to the new one. if you've visited their blog, you'll see him in those goggles and will read their claim of a mildly lemony child. those of you who have been to sedona, area 51, spooklight or our fine new chud sanctuary will be fully aware that they've figured out he has a vision skill. now, supernatural babies are just like other babies in that they don't necessarily have control of their skills. if they did, they wouldn't need diapers. he was born with legs but will have to learn to control their movement so he can walk, run, swim and fly. likewise, whatever is behind those goggles isn't yet entirely under his control and his very responsible parents are goggling him to protect the world from potential accidental laser beams or levitation. personally, i am hoping his vision skill involves being able to move lumber from one place to another and assemble it in a pleasing manner because we need a new fence here and the wood floors are going to need to be replaced soon.

he called the other day and although i have not yet been able to decipher his supernatural language, i think he said, "i will be coming to visit in late may. get me a ticket to that levon helm show you're seeing." it might have been, "why didn't i get any angel pants? mine have a pointy tail!" the smaller dog who lives here thinks it was, "saddle up the dogs! i'll be out in september for a nice fall hike!"

and of course i told him, "come on out. bring the big cousin. we've got the bunk beds up and the dogs are saddled. there's plenty of cheese."