ruby, angel of near death

once upon a time there was a beautiful kitten named ruby who was adopted by a family whose cat community had been wiped out during several fateful months of the same year. she was doted on and loved. she shared nothing with anyone. one day her owners brought her a very special gift. they were so excited and knew she would love it. they carefully opened the box. a huge, yellow cat ambled out. be careful, they told her. he needs a great deal of compassion. they tried to explain to her about his old life, living with someone who ate batteries and socks, about how he might be sick and she should be gentle. ruby tried to rip his eyes out. she tried to bite his face. she hated her new present. she despised him. years passed and the new cat mostly stayed out of ruby's way. at 17 pounds, if he'd ever wanted to impress upon her his own strength, he could have, but he never did. this was just fine with ruby. the big cat slept with her owners while she curled up on the radiator, glaring at the three of them.

then one day her owners did something even more horrible. they brought home a tiny, speckled puppy. be careful, they told her. he's a baby and babies are fragile. he's a very special puppy, an engagement puppy. he's a symbol of something important and she should be gentle. ruby sniffed him. he peed on the floor. she could tell he was stupid. he couldn't pee in a box and he couldn't get up on the furniture without help. his claws stayed out all the time, but didn't seem very sharp. small and stupid and ugly. she hated him. she seethed with rage. the puppy slept on the bed with the fat, yellow cat and the owners. ruby lay on the radiator, glaring. one day, she vowed, she would get them. she would get them all.

but one stupid, yapping beast was not enough in this already crowded brooklyn apartment. on a very cold day the owners went out for a long time, came back for the spotted dog and returned a few minutes later with a very excited spotted dog and a terrified older beast. he smelled awful. like vomit and pee and fear. be careful, they told her. this dog is very old and has been living alone in a garage for a long time. he is sad and afraid. she should be gentle. he looked like a horrible, big rat. furless in most places and sagging and ugly. he shook and his horrible eyes bulged out like the eyes of the dying. she hated his smell and his furless horribleness. although he was old and could not hop up on the bed, the owners would pick him up every night and place him right under the covers with the other stupid dog and that horrible, fat cat and ruby would slink over to the radiator where she would think about how to destroy the largest amount of them before getting caught. she would go for the dogs. everything was really their fault anyway.

she watched. they all drank from the same water bowl so poisoning that was out. the dogs got fed twice a day and the owners did that so she didn't think she could get anything in there. overpowering them was out of the question. the old dog might look ancient but he was strong as an ox. the little dog leaped around too much. it would be difficult to pounce on him and make it useful. she noticed the old dog had been having health problems. perhaps, she thought, he will just die and the little dog will be lost and that will be enough. but the old dog was too tough and he did not die. his owners got him some medicine that made his old bones feel more bouncy and flexible. after several finger amputations and horrible accidents, they brought home a new form of the medicine. a tasty, chewable form. like those delicious flinstones vitamins only dog flavors. ruby thought and thought and thought. if only she could get those pills. an open bottle would be an empty bottle within seconds. she'd seen how the old dog would go for that medicine.

the owners were planning a trip. this trip was special because they had never gone anywhere and left the dogs behind. they found a kind person who was willing to live with all four animals and care for them for a few days. ruby watched the owners prepare. she noticed they got a refill on those tasty pills. a big refill. two months. for a few days she practiced leaping against the medicine cupboard but in the end she didn't need to. one of the owners worried the pet watcher would forget the medicine if it stayed closed up so she set it out on the cabinet in the kitchen. ruby waited. the pet watcher ate dinner. he petted cats and dogs. he watched tv. the dogs curled up with him. he spent some time at the computer. the yellow cat curled up on his lap. finally, he went to bed. and ruby went to the cabinet. she batted things around a bit to get the attention of the dogs. they got up from the bed and wandered into the kitchen. she smiled at them from the countertop. with a quick swipe she sent the bottle of tasty pills to the floor. the old dog could smell them. the small dog knew that he wanted anything the old dog wanted. they began to chew at the cap on the bottle until finally it came off. the pet sitter awoke to a small, crunching sound. he walked into the kitchen to find both dogs licking hungrily at the floor and he saw the open pill bottle lying on the floor. he found two pills.

symptoms of an overdose of this special medicine include nausea, loss of appetite, vomiting, diarrhea, black, tarry stool, abdominal pain, ulceration of the stomach, thirst, lethargy, kidney failure, jaundiced skin, gums, inside of ears, whites of eyes, coma and death. treatment involves the dog hospital. the brave pet sitter called the dog hospital in the middle of the night and managed to get a cab and wrangle both dogs into it around 5am. he called the owners who were most of the way across the country and a few time zones away. they were sad and scared but the dog hospital said coming back would not make a difference. this did not help the owners any. they were afraid their little dogs would die, and both at the same time. somehow, this felt scarier than contemplating separate deaths. they went to a diner for breakfast and told a waitress about the scary things happening to their small dogs very far away. the waitress said kind things. that day was to be the wedding of an owner's brother and they did not want everyone to be sad. they kept their fears quiet all morning.

the dog hospital said it would be very expensive to save the dogs and this scared the owners more because they were pretty poor at this point. it didn't matter, they decided. they needed their dogs back. so the dog hospital induced vomiting and then pumped the little dog stomachs. they refilled the stomachs with activated charcoal and catheterized the dogs. when the owners came back, the dogs had been in the hospital three days. they still could not come home. the owners got to visit the dogs and take them for a walk, but it was scary to see them with little needles sticking out of their paws. the owners went home to a house with only cats. the big, yellow cat was very quiet. he wasn't positive, but he was pretty sure how the dogs got all those pills. he wasn't so sure he wanted to be associated with a cat like ruby. sure the dogs were rough sometimes, but they were mostly playing. and they curled up right with him at night. they all slept together like a family.

the owners knew the dogs would be okay but they were still very sad. they blamed themselves for what happened. this made the yellow cat angry because he loved them and knew they had done nothing wrong. he hated to see them suffer and found himself wishing for the quick return of those silly dogs. and a few days later, they came home. ruby was baffled. if sixty pills couldn't kill them, she didn't know what would. she had counted on their gluttony and stupidity and she thought they had paid off. she had sorely miscalculated. you see, the dachshund is the sturdiest of all dogs. the only dog breed to hunt above and below ground, dachshunds are fierce enough to take on a badger. let me explain. in a fair fight with no weapons, you would lose to a badger. i'm not kidding. a badger could wipe out a human. they are insane. and dachshunds spent their time chasing these monsters down. besides that, any dog bred to be hauled out of a burrow BY ITS TAIL is fierce. the little dogs have lungs that allow them to hunt forever without tiring and the ability to smell a roast you're just imagining. in addition to all that, it would appear that they can ingest 30 tablets of doggy arthritis medication each without long-term side effects. i do not recommend trying this at home with your own dog.

so ruby has resigned herself to being a beautiful but isolated creature. she is the only girl animal in a houseful of boy animals. she is the only one who does not beg for affection. every night the owners go to bed. the older dog has given up his arthritis medication and he now uses little steps to get up on the bed. the smaller dog hops in after him. the big yellow cat curls up after the lights are turned off. and ruby continues to sit in the dark, only a few feet away on her radiator, waiting. thinking. purring.